


Her Angel

by skargasm



Series: Linked to Refuge!verse [4]
Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-17
Updated: 2013-05-17
Packaged: 2017-12-12 04:09:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/807065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skargasm/pseuds/skargasm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It would help if you read Refuge to get the correct context of this story, but it is not necessary to read this off-shoot to continue reading Refuge.  Basically, Spike was trapped by Drusilla and in order to get him back Angel had to put himself into Angelus' shoes....</p>
            </blockquote>





	Her Angel

It was a beautiful necklace. He had helped Xander do research on stones and their meaning, deciding on the drusy quartz as the most appropriate – the one that would mean the most to Spike on his return. Somehow he didn't think Buffy would be buying him jewellery to welcome him home. After explaining as much as he could to Xander about Sires and childes, about just what a big deal it was for a vampire to stake their own Sire – Xander had actually understood way better than Angel had the right to expect – he had gone back to the hotel where he and Buffy were staying and headed straight for the shower. After forty five minutes, he realised he was trying to wash away something that simply wasn't physical.

He and Buffy had finally found their way back to each other after everything and it had been a long, torturous road. They didn't keep secrets from each other – they had both had enough of secrets. The whole sorry situation with Cordelia, Connor and Jasmine had been particularly difficult. In a way, Angel was almost sure that only the fact that Cordelia was dead had stopped what would have been a major cat-fight. They'd talked about the Immortal - they'd talked about everything. Or so it had seemed until the argument about Buffy's continued reliance on Spike made it clear that not everything had been part of the conversation party. But even that they had made it through – her cookies were finally baked through.

But now they were facing something so much bigger. 

“Are you planning on using all of the hot water in the hotel? This isn't California – I don't think their hot water tanks can take it.” 

It broke his heart to hear her voice because he could tell quite clearly that she had been crying. Lifting his face into the flow of water, he slicked back his hair and took a deep breath before turning off the taps and stepping out of the shower stall. He grabbed a towel off the rack and wrapped it around his waist before following her into the cosy sitting room attached to the double bedroom. It was a small consolation that she had closed the blinds – at least she didn't intend to set him on fire.

Not yet anyway.

* * *

It was majorly unfair how hot he was. The towel was a boring shade of blue but it made his skin look like it was glowing in the late evening light that was filtered through the curtains. He'd had his hair cut before going after Spike and it meant there were no gelled spikes to distract from the beauty of his face. She could well understand why Darla had changed him for his beauty and his sister had thought he was an angel come back to her – he really was a most captivating-looking man. More so now than before as he was finally comfortable within his skin. Well he had been. Angelus couldn't be dragged out of him and it made Angel feel safe enough to be the man he was always meant to be. To be a _real_ Champion. She liked teasing him that the guy on the TV in that series “Bones” looked a lot like him and was all noble and save-the-worldy, not that she was Temperance Brennan in any way, shape or form. Especially not in the brain department. 

But that was besides the point. 

And okay, yeah, she was trying to avoid thinking about the whole Drusilla thing. Because they'd talked about it before he went. Talked about what Drusilla would expect from her Daddy and how Angel would have to behave **exactly** like Angelus if he was going to be able to infiltrate Drusilla's court. They'd talked about it until they were sick of every conversation – they hadn't even been able to make love for the last few days before he left because Drusilla would have 'scented' Buffy on him – or so he claimed. Buffy was pretty sure it was just that he was already feeling guilty – there was still a pretty big brooder beneath that wrinkled forehead. 

He hadn't looked like _this_ in such a long time.

The death of Kess had seen him becoming the rock that was needed for Connor; the loss of Spike and he had seemed to be everywhere at once, plugging up the gaps in defences and being the active member of the team that was needed; he'd even stepped up and spoken to Xander with not even a minor complaint when they were trying to figure out the ugly details of how and when the spell on Spike had come into play. He just did what was needed with no thought to the cost to himself – at over 275 years old, he'd grown up.

But this – this whole situation had damaged that and badly. The fights over what they should do about Spike, the decision that someone had go in and get him and how they should do it, the long, drawn out conversations over what he might have to do had been like dealing with mysterious, monosyllabic Angel from the very beginning in Sunnydale. It was painful and tragic and she wanted **her** Angel back. 

But she had no idea how to get him back.

He sat in an armchair across from her but might as well have been 1000 miles away – he sat so still, like a stature, no breathing, barely blinking. Just sat there. She knew part of it was the trauma over the loss of Drusilla – he and Spike were both showing signs of the depth of shock, loss and mourning. Angel had had to put off how he was feeling in order to get Spike out of there safely, doing everything needed to return him to Xander in one piece. Completely disregarding how it must feel to lose someone he had known for over two centuries.

By his actions in the shower, she could pretty much figure out what he had had to do. It hurt, despite how prepared she had thought she was – to **know** that he had touched Drusilla intimately, had probably kissed her, had held her close to him, pushed her to the bed beneath him and - 

She felt betrayed – like an old flame had swooped in and taken something precious away from her. She had trusted him, had committed herself completely to him and he had broken that trust. He had taken their love and - 

She looked at him – **really** looked at him then. And she suddenly understood.

Without giving herself time to think, to wallow in her angry pool of emotions, she crossed the room and straddled his legs. He looked up at her, obviously confused and a little stunned, the mask beginning to crack. It gave her the strength she needed to follow her instincts and pushing at his shoulders she plopped down into his lap, cupped his face between her hands and laid a gentle kiss on his lips. 

“Buffy - “ he tried to pull back, his hands tugging at her wrists weakly.

“I'm sorry you had to do that, so so sorry.” She rained little kisses over his face wherever she could reach, fingers stroking his ears soothingly. 

“No, you don't understand – it was Spike who staked her, not me. I told you - “

“I know that. And that's not what I'm saying sorry for. You did what you had to do for our family but I know how hard it was for you. And I'm sorry – for asking it of you, for putting you in that position. I'm sorry but I am so grateful.” She pulled his face up and looked into his eyes. “I love you so much and I'm sorry.” 

She saw the moment the façade broke, the exact moment he allowed himself to feel what he had been forced to do. The exact moment when he accepted that she wasn't going to condemn him, harangue him, accuse him of enjoying _any_ of it. When he accepted that she truly was sorry and that she didn't blame him for any of it. And with no hesitation at all, she held her Angel in her arms as he cried out all of his pain, humiliation and anger.

**Her** Angel.

* * *

fin

* * *


End file.
